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One size does NOT fit all!! In a world where we are bombarded with “You too can get these results simply by doing XYZ,” it’s easy to become caught up in the illusion that there is ONE magical piece we are missing to complete the puzzle of our lives. Yet it’s just that, an illusion. And we have all been captivated by it at one time or another. The reality is that many pieces could be needed, depending on the uniqueness of our puzzled lives, different seasons, and intricacies.
Our lives are unique in every way. Even if we are in similar stages of life or situations as others, they will never be exact. Similar is merely a resemblance. Becoming confident that your life is unique frees you to make decisions that best suit you. The truth is that only you can decide what steps, habits, and routines (pieces) will support you in reaching your goals (finished puzzle). You can borrow guidelines, tips, or ideas from others if you stay flexible enough to make it authentic to your lifestyle. How is this done?
To begin with, it’s crucial to have that confidence! To know yourself, love yourself, and give yourself compassion and grace. Coming to a place of acceptance for where you are currently while giving yourself that grace and understanding as you begin your journey to where you want to be will help you keep your focus on your own life. Comparison is the killer of authenticity! If you struggle with this, please seek out support! The world needs your uniqueness!
Along the line of self-compassion, remain flexible. You are building a bridge between where you are currently and where you want to be. Just like physical bridges, you need “wiggle room.” Engineers purposively design bridges to sway in the wind, so they don’t break. As you set up new habits and routines, allow yourself room to stretch, stop, or change what’s not working. Life is windy! In our excitement, we often feel we have found “THE” puzzle piece and end up with tunnel vision, trying so hard to make it fit in our life. Don’t force it if it adds stress to your daily life. You have the power and the right to determine what is working for you when and stop what is not. If it doesn’t fit, it’s not for you.
Okay, but how?
This is where you need to reflect on all that is happening in your life. Take an inventory of what you are doing, when you are doing it, why you are doing it, and how it is supporting you in achieving your end goals. (This assumes that you have already laid out end goals for yourself. If not, take time first to decide where you want to be in the future – see https://www.thekristincampbell.com/post/mind-your-goals for ideas). Ask yourself:
· What is working for you?
· What is causing stress?
· What is missing?
· What is depleting you?
As you reflect on these questions, evaluate where you can move some items around, delete some things, and where you can add them. If you cannot move some stress-inducing actions, are supports available to alleviate some stress?
To move items around, look at why the time slot is not working. Is there another time or day when doing this activity would work better? Remember, this is your schedule, so try to avoid comparison. For example, I am not a morning workout person. Even though lots of people swear it’s the best time of day, it’s not for me! My workouts are mid-afternoon. It fits my schedule best.
To remove items, you’ll need to be honest with yourself about why you’re doing them in the first place. Are you engaging because it aligns with your lifestyle and goals or merely seems like a good thing to do? If it aligns, move it around; if not, let it go. There is nothing wrong with stopping activities that no longer align with your life.
If you want to add, try a popular technique James Clear calls habit stacking. This method, which BJ Fogg created as part of his Tiny Habits program, is very effective. *
In a nutshell, you find what Fogg calls an anchor habit; this one is already established in your daily life. This anchored habit will become the cue for the new habit you want to develop. You will then choose one small habit to add to the anchor habit. For example, if you desire to live a healthier lifestyle consisting of drinking more water and exercising daily, and you consistently wake up at 6 am, add the habit of drinking 8 ounces of water as soon as your alarm goes off. The 6 am wake-up will cue your body to drink water. Once established, you can stack another habit, say ten push-ups. You then wake up at 6 am, and drinking 8 ounces of water cues your body to drop to pushups. Once you are solid in that rhythm (and this takes time), you will add one more, and so on, until your morning routine is built. Slow and steady will win this race. It’s one small habit at a time, building upon the established foundation to get the result you desire.
New possibilities open as you revise your routines to align with your life goals. If you find this difficult, a certified Life Coach can support you and provide accountability!
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1. You can learn more about Fogg’s work and his Tiny Habits Method at https://www.tinyhabits.com/.
2. You can learn more about Clear’s work and his book Atomic Habits at https://www.jamesclear.com.
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